I started this blog telling myself that I do so without expectations, just as a diary, just because I like writing.
Obviously that's easier said than done.
I discovered there are expectations that I can't shut out. I don't want them,
I don't want to check every day if anybody read what I write. I don't want to look where they come from. I don't want to see a lot of traffic from Ireland (who could that be??) or one from Russia, Ukraine and Italy. But I find myself checking every day more than once.
I really never expected to reach people all over the world by google or whatever. But I expected some interest by those who know me.
If this really was a diary I'd hide it hoping nobody would ever find it, or if so at least after my death.
No, I'm not hiding, instead I'm going public. And doing so implies wanting some kind of public, some acknowledgement, some kind of feedback.
That's what I'm really looking for.
When I know a friend has got a personal blog I make sure to have a look at it. If it's interesting I'll return on a regular basis. If it's not, I'll leave nevertheless an encouraging comment.
Truth is that's what I'm missing, an encouraging comment. Would I accept and could I cope with critical ones? Sure. It would show me that there wasn't only a robot checking but someone actually reading and caring enough to leave a comment. Perhaps it could help me to improve. Maybe I'd just dismiss it as irrelevant. I don't know not having experienced.
I wish I was independent from feedback, self-confident enough to continue without checking constantly, without pleading for acknowledement. I wish I could write this blog without any expectations, but I just can't.
If there's anybody who's read all this text reaching this sentence: Please leave a comment!